


endless blue (there's no meaning without you)

by buzzbug82



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Canon Compliant, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Romance, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Slow Build, Talk about enlistment, sort of ambigious/open ending at first
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:48:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24733408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buzzbug82/pseuds/buzzbug82
Summary: Junmyeon's breath caught, watching and let himself swept away by Sehun's gaze, Sehun's scent, Sehun's everything— he's too far gone, mesmerized; and in Junmyeon's perfect, perfect fantasy, Sehun was mesmerized by him as well.He felt like floating. And holding on to an anchor that he could lose at any time.[title from 'O2' and 'Self-Portrait' by SUHO]
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun
Comments: 10
Kudos: 122





	endless blue (there's no meaning without you)

* * *

_It's a rose-colored world._

  
  


“What are you looking at?”

Sehun turned to where Jongin was standing a couple of feet away from him, raising an eyebrow. He just realized he had stopped in the middle of the sidewalk while walking with Jongin.

He glanced at the skyline, where the sun began to set. 

“Nothing,” he shook his head and jogged to Jongin’s side, catching up to him. “I just like the sky today, it looks pretty.”

“Oh,” Jongin nodded, didn’t even spare a glance up but instead looked down to his watch. “We have five minutes until the agreed time."

They walked past a few cafes which were full of people. It’s a weekend night, on one of the coldest autumn in Seoul, but it’s bustling with life since the streets were famous among netizens and tourists. "Do you think they have arrived?”

“They can’t start eating without us!” Jongin protested. “Let’s ask for more meat if they do. Junmyeon-hyung is treating us. I want to eat as much as I want tonight! I have been on diet for so long, it’s time to let go a bit.” 

Sehun slipped his hands into his jeans pocket, frowning a bit. He looked glum that Jongin couldn’t help but notice.

“Are you still worried about that night?” Jongin asked carefully. 

That night.

  
  
  


They had a family meeting that night, after dinner, last weekend. 

It started civilized enough. Everyone sat with full bellies, calmed and ready. The managers gave out their schedule, explained something, then asked if there’s any questions or suggestions.

Somehow, their meeting went awry, and their leader ended up in the middle of it. The atmosphere was tense at one end, with some of the members sat with angry and sully faces, arms crossed over their chests. While some members who didn’t want to make things more difficult, gathered at the opposite side of the room, quietly observing or plain ignoring the commotion. Sehun sat with them.

It was a petty disagreement. All these might sound ridiculous in the future, but at the moment, it was a very sensitive topic and sometimes Sehun wondered why Junmyeon even suggested the meeting in the first place.

Minseok, who was leaning his head on Yixing's shoulder, looking sleepy but worried, looked up to smile at Sehun and ruffled his hair. “Don’t cry, okay? They’re just tired. They will make up soon after letting off the steam for a bit.” 

Sehun knew that. It wasn't the first time a disagreement like this happened— so he turned back to watch the scene.

Everyone was quiet now, trying their best to hold their tongues while Junmyeon talked. He addressed the members who seemed dissatisfied, listened to their opinions and tried to comfort them. He summarized the meeting at the end, after talking more with the managers on how to make decisions that could benefit everyone.

Some agreed, some just nodded begrudgingly. 

"Isn't it better if we just don't have this kind of talk? I'm not good at this." Someone spoke up. Sehun's eyebrow twitched. Even he, who was the casual listener, felt hurt. 

"Can we talk about this another time? I just want to sleep." Someone else said irritatedly. Maybe it wasn't his intention to be mean— but the tone was a bit hurtful. Junmyeon's face became solemn and Sehun immediately knew— that the others started feeling guilty.

"You're right, you all must be tired. Let's all go to sleep now." His voice was soft when he said that but he avoided eye contact with everyone. 

They all muttered their agreement, and slowly, one by one, they got up and went to their respective rooms. Junmyeon was left to talk quietly with the managers. The managers nodded, patted his back a few times, before leaving him alone in the middle of the room. Sehun didn’t realize he was staring until Junmyeon turned around and looked surprised at finding him there.

“Sehunnie,” Junmyeon smiled and strode to him, kneeling. At that moment, Sehun finally realized Minseok and Yixing had gone. “What are you doing sitting here, go to sleep,” he slid his hand up, and cradled Sehun’s face in his palm, rubbing his thumb against the cheek.

Sehun suddenly realized his cheeks were wet.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Everything is fine now,” Junmyeon chuckled a little, and pulled Sehun into a side-hug. “I’m sorry, it must be upsetting seeing the hyungs like that. I’ll scold them harder next time.”

Sehun sniffled and wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand. “But Junmyeon-hyung, you don’t know how to scold people.”

“Hey, I can if I try,” Junmyeon replied, teasingly pinched Sehun’s nose. Yeah, Sehun would know. Junmyeon with his gentle demeanor, could be a stern leader if he wanted to— just like how he chided them if they weren't respectful enough at events and public meetings. Sehun just didn't understand why he didn’t become one in a situation like this. “Now, don’t worry about it. Let’s go to sleep.” Then he moved his head a bit to look behind Sehun. “You too, Jongin-ah.”

Sehun was too distracted that he didn’t even realize Jongin was sitting a bit farther behind him. He looked a bit upset as well, probably for the same reason Sehun was upset too. He sat there silently, watching the two of them. "Can we sleep together, Junmyeon-hyung?" 

Junmyeon's face immediately softened. "But the bed is small, you don't mind right?" 

Jongin shook his head. 

They all moved to the room that Junmyeon and Sehun were sharing (since Baekhyun moved out and set his own space in the living room). They quickly washed up and piled together on one bed. Junmyeon let Jongin use his pillow as Sehun offered to share his. It was quiet after that and Sehun fell asleep almost immediately.

It was dark in the room, saved from the thin sliver of light coming from the bathroom door. Sehun blinked, frowning; wondering what woke him up, and what time it was. While trying to clear off his mind, he almost got the shock of his life when he found Jongin staring at him from across the bed.

Sehun almost screamed and cursed but Jongin immediately put a finger on his own lips, signaling him to be quiet. 

Sehun clamped his mouth, frowning. He mouthed, _what is going on?_

There was a feeling of loss— that’s what woke him up, and Sehun’s arm felt cold. 

In his foggy mind, he suddenly remembered that Junmyeon was supposed to be sleeping between him and Jongin. But now there’s an empty space between them.

Then Jongin withdrew the finger from his lips to point at the edge of the bed.

His eyes were adjusting to the dark, so when Jongin pointed out, he could make out a small figure sitting at the foot of the bed crossed-leg, shoulders shaking. The figure let out tiny hiccups that could easily be missed by how soft and quiet they were, but since it was not the first time Sehun heard it, he was quick to recognize that it was the sound of Junmyeon crying— by himself in the dark.

Sehun held his breath. His heart broke like shattered glass. 

The shaking shoulders looked smaller than they usually were. The reliable back they all look up to when things got tough, looked more vulnerable and fragile now.

Every quiet sobs rattled deep into Sehun’s bones, that he felt like crying too.

Jongin and Sehun could only listen to it silently, patiently, until finally— after what it seems like forever— Junmyeon grew tired of crying, rubbed his face with his shirt, and quietly slipped back into the bed, lying on Sehun’s pillow. He unconsciously snuggled closer and buried his head into Sehun’s chest; and Sehun wanted nothing but to steal him away and hide him from the world.

He didn’t know about Jongin, but Sehun ended up not being able to sleep the whole night.

When it was morning and their alarms went off, Sehun had to begrudgingly peeled Jongin’s arm from Junmyeon’s waist, and leaned over Junmyeon to shake the dancer hard on the shoulder to wake him up. The movements woke Junmyeon up, eyes barely open and a bit bruised. It’s still early, so Junmyeon just sat on the bed, looking exhausted, for five minutes to shake off the sleep from his eyes, while Jongin and Sehun took turns in the bathroom. Junmyeon finally went last.

Neither spoke about what happened that night. 

After getting ready, they went to the kitchen together. The three of them were quick to notice the unnaturally quiet dorm and the insane additional amounts of sticky notes on their fridge. Junmyeon worriedly went over to the fridge, mumbling whether he had hurt the other's feelings last night. 

Written on the small, colorful sticky notes were various kinds of apologies and cute drawings towards their leader.

Sehun watched as Junmyeon read them one by one, chuckling and smiling with affection and an open heart. He carefully peeled them off one by one and arranged them neatly in his palm. 

Sehun watched as Junmyeon let a tear fall to his cheek and Jongin rubbed his back while teasing him.

Sehun watched with ease as Junmyeon trudged to the closest bedroom, where the rest of the members were hiding to watch his reaction, before glomping them into his hugs, emitting loud shrieks from them.

Sehun watched as Junmyeon forgives easily. 

And Sehun decided to forgive them all, and himself as well.

  
  
  


“No. Besides, they apologized.”

It's not like he was bitter, or angry. Sehun knew he had his own moment too; there were occasions when he had been stubborn and argued with Junmyeon as well. It's just that it's easier for both of them to apologize to each other in the privacy of their room. 

Jongin nodded, then lowered his voice. “Who knows that Junmyeon-hyung cried like that, huh?”

Sehun didn’t say anything, just continued walking towards their meeting place. He didn’t need to mention how many times he had heard the leader cry himself to sleep occasionally. If Junmyeon didn’t want the others to know, it’s not Sehun’s job to let them know.

When they reached the restaurant, the first thing they saw was Baekhyun excitedly calling them over from across the room.

“The maknaes have arrived!” Baekhyun shouted, along with “Whoop whoop!” from Chanyeol and Jongdae. Kyungsoo raised his hand to smack Baekhyun but he quickly danced out of the way, passed the grinning Yixing and pounced on both youngests. 

“You guys are sooooo late! Thank goodness we have Junmyeon-hyung to get us more meat~” He dragged them to their big table and seated them on the two empty seats. 

Sehun stared at Junmyeon from the opposite side of the table. It has been a few days since he saw the elder. They were busy with practices, vocal lessons and schedules that sometimes they missed each other in the dorm.

“Hi,” Junmyeon stopped talking to Minseok when he noticed Sehun was looking. “Here, we still have a lot.”

Junmyeon pushed the plate full of pork bellies toward him and Jongin. “Is Baekhyun drunk?” Sehun asked while pouring a cup for himself, watching the scene where Baekhyun and Chanyeol shared an inside joke and laughed hysterically.

“He’s just high on meat,” Junmyeon piled every bit of food to the maknaes, before finishing his drink and standing up. “Enjoy it guys, I’ll be going first.”

Sehun snapped, looking up in shock. “Where are you going?”

“Filming,” Junmyeon picked up his coat. “You guys have fun, okay? I’ll go pay for the meals.” He smiled and reached over to pat Sehun’s hair, before going to the counter.

“Thank you, hyung!” Jongin shouted with a mouth full of beef. Then the other followed through, thanking him while waving at him. Junmyeon waved back, reminded them to finish the food and don’t drink too much, and walked out of the restaurant.

Sehun kept staring until the door closed, shoulders slumped heavily, as he down a shot of soju. Minseok gasped, complimented him on the skill, and poured him another cup. 

“Take care, hyung.”

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


Sehun looked at the shirt he was holding. It was black, his favorite color. He put the shirt over himself, staring into the full-length mirror. It was the fifth clothes he had tried that morning.

Then there was a knock on the door. “Are you done changing yet?” The voice from the other side of the door asked him.

“Not yet,”

It was a cold, calm morning. Somehow, everything came to a slow motion.

Sehun woke up pretty late, way past breakfast time. He stretched lazily and blinked at the white ceiling. Specks of dust dance between the sliver of light coming from the curtain. He tried to guess the time, but it was hard because of the winter season. Slowly, he sat up and his eyes instinctively moved to the empty side of the bed.

Junmyeon chose that time to waltz into the room, half naked with a towel around his waist and showed him the hole he found on Sehun’s jeans. Apparently he was doing the laundry when he noticed the big torn on the knees of the jeans. Sehun then explained it happened back during the time when he fell off the bike he borrowed from Junmyeon. Junmyeon must have not noticed it when he was worrying over Sehun. Sehun remembered that he didn’t even check on his bike, just reprimanded Sehun for not being careful enough as he carefully sat him down to apply the antiseptic on his wounds.

Junmyeon thought the torn was for fashion— but was weirded out how it was getting bigger— making Sehun laugh and made fun at him.

Then Junmyeon proceeded to mention how he noticed Sehun had outgrown some of his shirts because it stretched over his shoulders. Honestly, he did realize. There were some old clothes that he found uncomfortable and some loose threads on his sweaters and boxers, so Sehun guessed it was probably time to get some new clothes.

Junmyeon looked excited for the shopping trip, and urged him to get up and get ready. 

And that’s how Sehun found himself in a fitting room in one of the boutique stores in Apgujeong. 

He walked out of the fitting room after he was done changing.

“How is it?”

“That looks nice,” Junmyeon grinned, his eyes wandered on Sehun’s figure. He even took a step back to admire the black shirt. Sehun was actually confused, it was just a black shirt with the brand’s name on the chest, but he appreciated Junmyeon’s gaze anyway. “We’ll get that one. And here, try this one too.” He said as he threw a grey sweater and black jeans to him.

Sehun put them on and showed it to Junmyeon again. 

He glanced at the full-length mirror. It certainly didn’t look bad. The jeans hugged his legs nicely while the sweater fit well into his shoulders and chest. Then he spotted a blazer among the clothes on the waiting couch, picked it up and slipped his hands into it. Pulling down the blazer, he turned around to find Junmyeon staring at him.

“What?” Sehun suddenly felt self-conscious, looking around to find if there’s anything wrong with the clothes. “Is it bad?”

Junmyeon walked up to him, hands reaching up to tug on the collar of the blazer, fingers feeling up the soft fabric, eyes big and shining as he was looking at Sehun’s face.

“No— It’s not bad at all. You look so good,” he whispered and made Sehun blushed at the compliment. “I’m just thinking how fast time flies. When I first met you, you were even shorter than me. You looked so small and I felt like I have to take care and protect you all the time.” His hands slid up to Sehun’s shoulders. “Now look at you— so tall and handsome. Soon you won’t even need me anymore.”

Sehun stared down at him. It’s true, he had definitely grown taller— he was even able to see the top of Junmyeon’s head. 

But;

“I will never,” 

Junmyeon stopped fiddling with the collar and looked up at him questioningly. “You will never what?”

Sehun wanted to say how he will never stop needing Junmyeon, won’t ever stop looking for him, never stop wanting him. Hell would freeze over if his feelings would ever change.

But.

He didn’t voice it out loud.

“Hyung,” Sehun took hold of Junmyeon’s hands, gripping them tightly. He watched as Junmyeon glanced at their clasped hands, mixed emotions reflected on his face. 

“Ah,” Junmyeon stepped closer, his breath ghosted over Sehun’s collarbone. “Even your hands are bigger than mine now.”

If only— if only Junmyeon could hear the screaming thoughts in Sehun’s mind now. If only Junmyeon knew how he looks, from Sehun’s eyes right now. If only Junmyeon knew how his scent alone could make Sehun go crazy; and how his skin prickled being enveloped by the warmth of Junmyeon’s hand. All his senses were responding to everything about Junmyeon, and he surrendered to it.

Someone yanked the curtain that allowed their privacy and Junmyeon quickly dropped his hands. The salesgirl who helped them get the clothes earlier stepped in and smiled politely. “How are the clothes? And the size?”

Junmyeon cleared his throat a couple of times. “Yeah, it’s perfect. We’ll take them all.”

The salesgirl clapped her hands once, beaming. “Great! I’ll go get the new ones for you, please wait at the front.” She double-checked the tags and scurried off to the back again.

Sehun fisted his palms and let them drop to his sides. “I’ll go and change back,” he muttered and turned to lock himself in the fitting room again before Junmyeon could say anything.

When he looked into the mirror, Sehun almost didn’t recognize himself.

Who was that guy with the red face, disappointed eyes and angry mouth?

  
  


After he was done changing and came out to the front, Junmyeon was already swiping his card at the cashier counter. Sehun stood next to him as he eyed the clothes being folded carefully one by one, slipped into their plastic covers, and suddenly noticed there were additional shirts in the mix, the same style with different colors.

“I’m getting matching clothes with you,” Junmyeon grinned, his cheeks pinked a little.

Sehun couldn’t help but to grin back. “So this is why you told me to get new clothes— is it an excuse for you to shop too?” Come to think of it, these clothes were in Junmyeon’s favorite style. Except Sehun was getting them in dark color, while Junmyeon got them in lighter color. It suited him.

Junmyeon agreed without shame as he took back his credit card and the cashier happily handed them their bags. “Maybe,” he replied teasingly. “You hungry? I know a great place for brunch nearby.”

Sehun’s eyes caught his own reflection on the display window. Suddenly he wasn’t the guy with the disappointed eyes anymore. He was smiling, his eyes crinkled, and he looked utterly happy.

Funny how a certain someone could change his mood in a blink of an eye.

Sehun was doomed.

* * *

“Has anyone seen my glasses?”

Several members stopped whatever they were currently doing to answer him. 

“No,” Jongdae said with a mouth full sandwich. “Where did you last see it?”

Junmyeon was going around the practice studio, picking up bags and towels, searching under it. He even went to the sofa and slid his hands under the cushions but came out with nothing but dusts and food crumbs. He grimaced at the sight and subtly brushed his hand over Baekhyun’s towel.

“I can’t remember,” he whined, pushing his hair up from his forehead in frustration. “I wear my glasses today because my eyes are dry and I took them off before practice.”

Sehun who was sitting on the floor with his back on the mirror just stared at him while the elder traced his footstep to find his glasses. 

“Are you sure? I haven’t seen any glasses around here.” Kyungsoo asked. He and Yixing had already got up from their seats to help with the search. Chanyeol yelped when Kyungsoo pushed him off the marble counter to look for it.

“Yeah, he was wearing it earlier when he came in,” Sehun muttered, picking up his drink and expertly ignored Baekhyun’s chuckle.

The practice room wasn't that big but they still haven't found the glasses. Junmyeon even stumbled over at least four bags scattered around on the floor before Sehun decided to walk up to him and put an arm around his shoulders to guide him around. 

"Do you bring your contacts? We have a schedule after this," Jongin reminded him from the sofa, slumping low with his legs neatly crossed and a phone in his hands. Minseok had joined the search, and now he and Yixing were standing at the edge of the room, scratching their heads.

Junmyeon stopped, then groaned heavily and muttered how he forgot them as well, and Sehun could see how stressed he was. He might be able to conduct the entire fan-meeting event even without his contacts since they will only be talking and sitting, but to navigate around would be harder and Junmyeon would prefer to see the fans clearer even from the stage. 

The door suddenly opened and Yongmin walked in while holding something in his hand. "Junmyeon-ah, this is yours, isn't it?"

It was the glasses with black frame. And they were cracked and dented. 

"Oh no," Junmyeon muttered, his face fell. 

"It’s really yours? A janitor gave it to me, he said it might have mixed up with the trash since the desk is beside the can," he said apologetically. Come to think of it, when they finished their meal break earlier, there was a sweet-looking _ahjussi_ who came in with a black plastic bag, and in their frenzy to not make him wait— including Junmyeon— had swept all the empty bottles, containers and plastic wrappings from the desk into the trash can right beside it. They might have accidentally swept off the glasses that Junmyeon took off to eat his lunch. 

Chanyeol gaped, suddenly remembered something. “So that’s what the black thing was! I saw it fell in the trash but I thought it’s a Pepsi can or something. I didn’t know it was your glasses, hyung.”

"It's okay, I need an upgrade from these old glasses anyway," Junmyeon chuckled weakly, as he pocketed the broken item. "But can we stop by the shops on the way? I need to buy contact lenses."

"Sure, Junmyeon-ah." The manager patted him on the shoulder and walked out to arrange the cars. 

"We can stop by the dorm on the way, right?" Jongdae asked after a few minutes of silence in the room.

"The dorm is the opposite of the direction of where we're going today, and I don't want to make them go out of the way just to get something I forgot." Junmyeon went to sit and started packing his bag. 

They were separated into two groups for the journey. Chanyeol and Baekhyun had chosen to share the car with Junmyeon and Sehun, and on their way to the shooting venue, they had stopped at the nearest optician shop with an hour to spare. 

When they arrived, Sehun took Junmyeon's hand once they got off the van and headed inside the store. 

After Junmyeon gave his prescriptions, the staff went to the back to retrieve the pair of contact lenses.

He heaved a sigh and noticed Sehun was staring.

“What?”

“Is something bothering you?” Sehun asked from where he was standing a few feet away.

Junmyeon rubbed the back of his neck as he sat on the stool in front of the glass case. “No,” he said in a low voice. “Nothing— _really happened_ — it’s just one small thing after the other; my voice haven’t been really good this week no matter how much I warmed up, I still messed up part, my ankles are sore, I broke my own glasses and if Jongin didn’t remind me, I would have forgotten about the fan-meeting event too.” He looked down to his lap.

Sehun, who was browsing along the display, hummed to show that he was listening, and happened to pick one frame that looked classy and trendy. "Here," He slid it behind Junmyeon's ears. "Why not get new glasses while you're at it? You look good in this."

His shoulders jolted in surprise. "Isn't the frame too thin?" Junmyeon scrunched, making Sehun booped his nose playfully. 

"Your old glasses are way too outdated. This is the in-style now." Sehun avoided Junmyeon's light punch and reached for another one that has an invisible frame on the bottom part. "You see? This one is even way better than the one before." He made Junmyeon turn in the swivel stool to make him look in the mirror. 

"It— It does look quite good," Junmyeon tilted his head, staring at himself with the new glasses. It certainly didn't make his eyes look smaller. "It doesn't look awkward to you? Baekhyun and Chanyeol always made fun of me when I'm wearing my glasses in the dorm."

Sehun squeezed his arms, sliding his hands down loosely around the leader’s waist and leaned down to put his head on Junmyeon's shoulder, cheeks touching. "You look like a smart college student. A smart, hot, handsome college student." 

Sehun made sure he whispered that into Junmyeon's ear and delighted himself in seeing the hair on his neck rose.

“And don’t worry, you do fine.” He brushed his fingers on Junmyeon’s knuckles. "I'll help you practice. You will be fine, Junmyeon-hyung.”

Their eyes met in the mirror, warm, safe and understanding— and Junmyeon slightly sniffled as he took off the sample glasses.

The staff came back and Sehun straightened up again. She gave Junmyeon the pair of contacts he needed and asked if they wanted to ring up the item immediately. 

"Can we have this one made with his prescription too?" Sehun asked, placing the frame he liked on the counter. 

"Of course, we can do it in two hours, if you want to wait."

Sehun glanced at Junmyeon. "Can we come to pick it up later?" 

The staff nodded happily as she took out a form. "Sure! Just leave your details here and we'll call you once it's done and ready." 

Sehun put in his details before Junmyeon could protest and paid the deposit, all while saying how he didn't want Junmyeon to wear nerdy anime glasses anymore and stumbled on furniture at home. 

The staff chuckled, but hid it well behind a fake cough. She entered the details and gave them a receipt and reminded them to bring it along when they come in for pickup. Because they're on a tight schedule, Junmyeon asked to borrow a mirror so he could wear the contacts immediately. 

"You still haven't got your new glasses?" Chanyeol asked from the front seat when they came back to the car.

"No, I have to pick it up later, but I already have my contacts in, so we can go now." 

Baekhyun blinked at him, then at Sehun. "Oh." He said. "I thought you still can't see clearly because Sehunnie is still holding your hand." His gazes lowered to the armrest where they laid their joint hands. 

"I can hold your hand too if you want," Sehun offered his free hand, raising a perfect eyebrow, making Baekhyun laugh loudly at him. 

"I'm good. You just hold on to that one," He grinned and turned back to the front, asking Chanyeol to wake him up when they arrived at the venue. 

Junmyeon shrugged and settled into his seat, while Sehun ignored the comment and gripped Junmyeon's hand tighter. 

* * *

  
  


Sehun was so lovely. 

He has the kindest heart and childish charm. And he's so hardworking, always trying to improve himself by many means. He went to action school, acting class, vocal lessons, and he dances so well that even Jongin approved of his skills! It was really cute when he got shy when he first met strangers, but braved himself through to make people feel comfortable with him, and how well connected he is. So many people loved him, and so many people treated him kindly— the way he deserved to be treated.

And Junmyeon damned well would make sure it stays that way forever. 

"You know, I haven't seen him in a while. Why don't you bring him to the gathering tomorrow?" 

Junmyeon stopped playing with his straw and looked at his friend blankly. "Who?" 

A snort came from his left side. "Sehun, of course. Is he free? Why not bring him tomorrow?" 

"I think he's free, so why not." Junmyeon replied, but not without another question. "Why so sudden though?" 

It was Sihwan who was laughing. "Junmyeon-ah, you haven't stopped talking about him for ten minutes and we've only been here for fifteen."

The three friends were seated at a corner table in a celebrity cafe that is owned by one of their friends. Sihwan and Jeonghoon were sitting together, each with a cup of coffee. Junmyeon sat at the opposite side with his own glass of orange juice. They were sharing a piece of apple pie and chocolate cake. 

Junmyeon blushed at his accusation. "No, I did not.” 

"You kind of did," Sihwan resolved to chuckle and sipped his coffee. "It makes me kind of jealous. You should pay attention to us but you still keep thinking about him." He sighed, arms crossed over his chest dramatically.

Junmyeon frowned, leaning over the table and squinted his eyes. "Don't start this now," 

Jeonghoon smirked at their antics. "Anyway, I do honestly think you should bring him. Let me hang out with him too."

"I'll text him, but I don't know if he can come." Junmyeon pouted. Maybe if Sihwan behaves, he’ll ask Sehun. 

"You just said he's free?" Jeonghoon gaped, incredulously.

"I said I _think_ he's free, he might already have plans." 

"Ah, look at this person. All he does is keeping Sehunnie all to himself." 

"Excuse me? What do you mean by that?”

“You only want to hang out with your cute maknae and not with us anymore. Yahh— Sihwan-hyung, look at this guy—”

“Wait a minute, Sehun and I didn't hang out all the time? And I’m hanging out with you right now. And he has other friends, okay?" 

"Ah, so that's why you're bitter."

"Who says I'm bitter??" 

Sihwan interjected. "Sehun is free, he can come."

"Says who?!" 

"Sehunnie," Sihwan showed them his phone. Apparently he had texted Sehun from under the table when Junmyeon and Jeonghoon were having a banter. "So bring him to the party tomorrow, Junmyeon-ah."

His two (ex?) friends smiled innocently at him, Sihwan even cut him a bite of the chocolate cake to feed him as a token of peace. Junmyeon begrudgingly opened his mouth and slowly chewed. 

He cursed silently. The cake was delicious. 

If Junmyeon could go back in time, he would knock himself on the head for even thinking of letting Sihwan and Sehun meet. 

  
  
  


"What party is this?" 

"An engagement party," Junmyeon looked into the mirror in the sun visor of the car, checking his hair. "He is my junior at college; though I never really talked to him. But Sihwan knows the couple. I heard that the guy proposed to his fiancee when they're on a trip to New York last month."

Sehun looked like he was about to say something, but decided not to and unbuckled his seatbelt from his passenger seat. "How many college juniors do you actually have?" 

"I lost count," Junmyeon grinned, letting his eyes wander over Sehun's outfit for the night. They had opted to go matching with black and blue; Sehun wearing navy blue blazer with black shirt and slack, while Junmyeon wore dark blue sweater with wide neckline and black, skinny jeans. 

"And they're holding their engagement party— at a club?" Sehun raised his eyebrows at the bold, neon sign over the two storey building. 

Junmyeon shrugged. "They're kind of free-spirited; he's a mural artist and his fiancee owns several bars and clubs. This is one of them."

They got off from the car, handed the key to the valet, and walked inside. It was already packed with people when they entered— the music was loud and it was hard to see in the club with dimmed lights and random spotlights, but luckily Jeonghoon spotted them immediately and waved them to come to their table. 

Most people at the table were from Junmyeon's old college. They greeted each other as Junmyeon introduced Sehun. Sihwan quickly grabbed onto Sehun and hugged him happily, pulling Sehun to seat beside him and handed the drinks since Junmyeon offered to be the designated driver for the night. Junmyeon just shook his head as he watched fondly over their closeness. 

After a couple of rounds of food, drinks and catching up, the music suddenly halted, and the engaged couple finally made a dramatic appearance with a blast of confetti. Sehun and Junmyeon looked at each other, a bit culture-shocked as they grinned amusedly. The crowd cheered as the couple thanked their guests for making time to come to their party. They toasted congrats with flutes of champagne and the music resumed; the open floor was open for dance. 

"Time to show your move?" Sihwan smiled, patting Sehun's back. The younger just shrugged and sipped his drink. The strong alcohol already made him half drunk. 

"Nah, I can't do that, especially with this," Sehun showed his crystal glass, rattling the ice. 

"Just go have fun, everyone here is 'somebody' anyway. They won't disclose anything... 'untoward'." One of the seniors from Junmyeon’s college cut in, a vodka in hand and slurring. 

Sehun nodded politely— obviously surprised and a little uncomfortable by the sudden interjection— and quickly turned to speak with Sihwan. While Junmyeon changed his seat so Sehun was a bit further away from the group, and smiled politely at the guy. "I see. Thanks, but we're not worried."

The girl with long hair and red dress seating beside him— which Junmyeon assumed was his girlfriend— eyed Junmyeon and Sehun from head to toe and nudged the man's rib, harshly whispering to him about something that Junmyeon couldn't make out. 

But apparently Jeonghoon did, because when Junmyeon turned, he caught his friend leaning over the seat towards her, frowned and shook his head. He was trying hard to be discreet, but Junmyeon could catch him saying "they're not dating," to the couple who just “oh”ed before laughing amusedly at their own mistake. 

It could have been taken as a joke, but this just reminded him why he didn't like going to reunions. Some of them were great and mind their own business, but some of them were just trying to get some juicy gossips from him. And Junmyeon never liked it.

He glanced at Sehun's profile. The younger man was still distracted by some stories from Sihwan and his friend. Junmyeon really wished he could just leave with Sehun right now. But wouldn't that make it weirder? It wasn’t true anyway, so how come he's so annoyed right now?

“Hey,” Yonghun suddenly appeared and clasped his hands on both Junmyeon and Sehun’s shoulder. Junmyeon almost forgot he was invited too, since the groom-to-be played basketball at Yonghun’s place. What a small world.

"Hey, you just arrive?"

Yonghun grinned. "Yeah, barely. How is it going?" Then he stared at Junmyeon's face, then spared a glance at the seats where the guy and his girlfriend were still watching them like hawks. “Help me get some drinks?” 

Junmyeon looked up, staring blankly at Yonghun’s request. He was grateful at the distraction, and when he shifted his eyes, he noticed Sehun looking back at him. The younger got up first, and before he knew it, he and Sehun immediately followed Yonghun crossing over the crowd of people to the bar counter.

“I don't know what happened but you should take a breather." Yonghun said, nodding to Sehun. "You too, Sehun-ah." He ordered a beer, and told them he would go find the couple to congratulate them. 

When Yonghun left them alone, Sehun pulled Junmyeon closer with an arm wrapped around his shoulders. “You okay? You don’t look good. Should we get out from here?”

Junmyeon's annoyance faded a little. He did feel a bit dizzy, but it’s less to do with the drink, the crowd, the light or even the music. He rested his damp forehead on Sehun’s neck, taking a deep breath. “We’re already here anyway, why not we go dance a bit?” He muttered, staring at the dance floor full of people. Before Sehun could protest, Junmyeon already pulled him by the wrist, slipping between the people to get to the middle of the room. It was dark anyway, so he bet the other wouldn’t even recognize them. 

At first Sehun just stood there, confused and a bit startled; watching Junmyeon danced in front of him. He leaned back his head, baring his neck and threw his hands up on the air following the beat of the music. He must have looked quite a picture; hair a mess and face flushed— not befitting his reputation at all— but it was only Sehun watching him anyway, so he didn’t mind.

Then Sehun reached out for him. 

Sehun's hand found Junmyeon's waist, just touching and holding from a small distance, clawing at the sweater like a kitten's paws— and Junmyeon felt himself melted. He tentatively looped his arms around Sehun's neck— the crowd getting bigger and wilder as more people joined the dance floor and more bodies pushed both of them closer little by little. 

As they got closer, Junmyeon could finally see Sehun's features clearly with the minimal lights. The younger one was smiling— sweetly; his dimple was deep with adoration; perspiration gathered at his temple from the heat; his short bangs plastered to his forehead; and his eyes— the eyes that never stray away ever since they entered the club— crinkled and soft. 

Junmyeon could count the tiny freckles on his upper cheek. He did. Then he forgot, and gladly recounted again.

He was the most beautiful man Junmyeon had ever seen.

Sehun raised his other hand, and gently laced his fingers together around Junmyeon's waist, guiding him into a movement that Junmyeon was not familiar with. As if in trance, Junmyeon slid his one hand from Sehun's neck to the underside of his left earlobe, thumb stroking the soft skin there— gentle, careful; as if he's holding something precious and fragile. Sehun released a shuddering sigh, tilted his head to get more of the touch as he pulled Junmyeon close until their chests were touching, tightening his hold as if to say he can handle it— _it won’t be easy to break him._

Junmyeon's breath caught, watching and let himself swept away by Sehun's gaze, Sehun's scent, Sehun's everything— he's too far gone, mesmerized; and in Junmyeon's perfect, perfect fantasy, Sehun was mesmerized by him as well. 

He felt like floating. And holding on to an anchor that he could lose at any time. 

The loud music slowly faded into the sound of underwater; the crowd of sweaty bodies disappearing into the black sea— and right here, right now, there was only him and Sehun under the endless blue light, and the world was an aquarium.

Junmyeon had fallen in love before. Had crushes as well. He experienced the feeling of being head over heels for someone— but none of them were as intense as this; none of them have this kind of affection; none of them made him feel like he could grow flowers from his heart—

— none of them had made him fall this deep that he’s terrified to resurface. 

* * *

Sehun got out of the car and glanced at the other vehicles parked at the same basement garage, immediately recognizing some of the cars that belonged to the members. He contemplated a few minutes, but in the end decided to pick up the bag from the back seat, locked the car and went to the elevator. 

When he stepped into the dorm, his eyes landed on Jongdae who raised a hand in greeting; with Junmyeon sitting beside him on the sofa, munching a small piece of chocolate.

"Welcome home!" Jongdae chirped happily. 

Sehun went to high-five him before his hand found the back of Junmyeon's neck, standing behind the sofa.

"You're late," 

Sehun frowned and poke Junmyeon's cheek as retaliation. "I'm not, I said I'll be back right after the recording."

Junmyeon wiped the corner of Sehun's mouth with the back of his hand. "But Chanyeol is already home."

Sehun turned to where Chanyeol just got out of the bathroom. "Yo." He grinned. “Sorry, I accidentally told him we left the studio at the same time.”

Sehun sighed and rummaged through his backpack, taking out a small, bright orange paper bag and placed it on Junmyeon’s lap. The elder quickly finished the chocolate and opened the bag to reveal a petite, brown case with a brand’s monogram all over it. Both Jongdae and Chanyeol peered closer to see what Sehun had got for Junmyeon. 

Inside the small box, was a silver ring with Champs-Elysées logo cut-out texture. 

Junmyeon grinned happily and slid it into his left forefinger. It’s a perfect fit.

Chanyeol raised an eyebrow. “This must be hard to get, it was sold out long ago.”

Sehun put down his bag on the floor. “I asked the designer in Paris if they have any extra. I bought it from them since Junmyeon-hyung said he was looking for it, so I went to pick it up at the store today.”

Jongdae snorted as he pulled Junmyeon's finger to take a better look, and immediately let go when Junmyeon got up, turned around and knelt on the sofa to reach for Sehun’s shoulder to pull him down, planting a brief kiss on his jaw. “Thank you,” he said, smiling before pushing himself up. “Come here, I’ll make you tea. Do you guys want anything?” He glanced at Chanyeol and Jongdae.

Jongdae just waved his hand “no”, and Chanyeol busied himself by drying his damp hair and muttering something like “need a stronger drink than tea”.

Sehun followed Junmyeon to the kitchen, helping him get the tea bags and mugs from the upper cupboard as Junmyeon set up the kettle. They leaned on the counter together as they told each other about their day.

“Hey, Jongdae said he’s eating dinner with us tonight so I’m calling the bibimbap place—” Chanyeol walked into the kitchen while looking down at his phone. When he glanced up, he stopped on his track.

“Hmm?” Sehun could feel Junmyeon tilting from where he had his head over Sehun’s shoulder. He was cuddling into Junmyeon’s arms, head nestled comfortably into Junmyeon’s neck with hands on the countertop, trapping Junmyeon.

“— So I want to ask if you guys want anything too or—” Chanyeol looked confused; swiftly reached over to turn off the whistling kettle. “Are you tired? Do you want to sleep early instead?” Chanyeol bent to try to look at Sehun, blinking his large eyes.

Sehun just made a nonsensical noise, then sighed loudly.

“Sehunnie wants the one with extra kimchi,” Junmyeon replied. “And ask them to send two cans of vanilla coke.”

"How about you, hyung?"

"Anything Jongdae will be having."

Chanyeol nodded, picked up the kettle and helped to pour it into the two mugs on the island. “Okay,” he said after that, dialling up the restaurant for delivery. “I swear, only you can understand what this brat is talking about sometimes—” he grumbled and exited the kitchen. Sehun couldn’t help but grin at his hyung, as he released his hold on Junmyeon and took the two mugs and carried them to the front where Jongdae had turned on the television. He and Chanyeol liked to watch variety shows together and always made time to do so. 

After the food had arrived and they settled into the dining table, Junmyeon's phone suddenly rang. Sehun listened when Junmyeon greeted the caller softly, saying something about he’s just about to have dinner, and then held out his phone towards Sehun. 

“Mom wants to talk to you,” he simply said.

Sehun wiped his hands down over his pants, took the phone and started a friendly talk to Junmyeon’s mom; giving an update about their well-being, what they were eating, and asking about her health and her charity events. They exchanged a few more words for a while before saying goodbye and how he would talk to her soon; and gave the phone back to Junmyeon.

Junmyeon took it back and then excused himself to the bedroom to speak privately with his mother.

The bedroom door closed with a click as Sehun reached for his can of coke, when he noticed the other two at the dining table staring at him.

"What?" 

“You’re friendly with Junmyeon-hyung’s mom, huh?” Jongdae spoke first, chewing a piece of cucumber kimchi slowly.

Sehun didn’t understand what he was trying to say, so he just nodded. “Yeah, we all went to Junmyeon-hyung’s house, remember? She got my number back then. _Eomonim_ called me whenever hyung was too busy.” He said. “My mom and dad called him too sometimes to catch-up.”

There was a beat of silence, making Sehun raise his eyebrows at his hyungs, expecting more questions.

“Sehun-ah,” Chanyeol leaned over the table, arms crossed. “Do you love Suho-hyung?”

That was an unexpected question, to say the least. 

Sehun stared at him weirdly. “Of course I do.”

Both of the beagle-liners looked at each other.

“I mean, I love both of you as well,” Sehun continued.

Jongdae sighed, putting down his chopstick and put his head on his hands, contemplating. “Is this the right time to ask something like this?” he muttered, glaring at Chanyeol.

“There will never be the right time. We've talked about this.” Chanyeol whispered, glancing at where the bedroom door was still closed. “Sehunnie, remember the time you said that I made your heart fluttered?”

Sehun nodded. It was a really random thing to blurt out. But to be fair, it was really late at night and they were exhausted and his mouth had no filter and Junmyeon was sleeping a room away with Minho.

“So, listen here, Sehunnie— I love you too, but who makes your heart flutters more? Me or Suho-hyung?”

Sehun looked at Chanyeol. They had known each other for a long time now— Chanyeol even picked him up from school daily at one point to accompany him to the training studio and attended his high school graduation. They know each other like the back of their hands. If Chanyeol was sad, Sehun would cheer him up. If Chanyeol was happy, he would be happy for him as well. If Chanyeol was tired, he would let Chanyeol have enough rest. 

Chanyeol made his heart fluttered. Isn’t that love? 

And undeniably, Sehun had known Junmyeon for the longest time too— he was the serious but kind-hearted, soft-spoken hyung who made sure his dongsaengs were properly fed in the middle of endless training. The never-changing Junmyeon-hyung who always take care of everyone, who was willing to even share a room with the maknae even when he’s the leader. They know each other like the back of their hands. If Junmyeon was sad, Sehun would make sure to get rid of everything that made him sad. If Junmyeon was happy, Sehun wanted to be the one who put that smile on his face. If Junmyeon was tired, Sehun would gather the elder in his arms, give him strength and comfort him. 

Junmyeon also made his heart fluttered, his head spin, his legs turned jelly, his fingers tingle, and his stomach full of butterflies. And that is also, a kind of love—

Chanyeol and Jongdae were staring at him now, expecting an answer that they both probably figured out.

Truthfully, when he realized it, there was no imaginary lightbulb suddenly light up on his head, or a metaphorical sun shining down at him from over the clouds. It’s not news or sudden discovery; to him, or to both of his hyungs. He just said “Ahh,” as if he just remembered where he put the new shoes he purchased over a year ago. 

_I'm in love with Junmyeon._

The acceptance of that feeling was slow and gradual. But it was so simple, because he had been feeling it for a long time. It's just a part of him now. 

And he even forgot when it actually started. For all he knew, he had been in love with that man for almost his entire life.

The bedroom door opened and Junmyeon came out while pocketing his phone. “My mom sends regards to everyone,” he said and sat down again to join the group. 

Chanyeol grinned. “Hyung, my mom didn’t call you to check up on me, right?”

Junmyeon stared at him, bewildered. “No, you’re a grown man, Chanyeollie. Does your mom want me to check up on you?”

Chanyeol then threw his head back, laughing. Jongdae joined him with obvious snickers. “No, thank you. But thanks for proving my point,” he said with a wink, then changed the subject to their current music production.

Junmyeon was left dumbfounded, until Jongdae gently nudged his elbow, telling him to eat.

Sehun didn't even listen to Chanyeol; he just looked over to the ring on Junmyeon’s finger, pondering.

* * *

"But who clogged it?" 

Junmyeon was pacing in the kitchen, looking frustrated and biting his lips. Sehun watched him from where he was lying under the sink, sweat soaked and face flushed. He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand, crickling his nose at the smell of his own shirt. 

Earlier, they arrived at Sehun's villa apartment together. Junmyeon just came back from a meeting with some people from the company and Sehun had landed at the airport from an oversea schedule; and since Junmyeon had some free time, he had gone to pick him up. The purchase of the apartment was done a couple of months ago after Chanyeol advised him to; after Junmyeon also bought one near his parents' home. But Junmyeon didn't like living alone; he rather spent time in the dorm or at Sehun’s apartment.

"I don't know, when was the last time we even used the kitchen properly?" Sehun asked calmly. They had tried to make some drinks and warm up some snacks. But when Junmyeon turned on the tap, the water came right back up instead of going down the drain. Sehun had crawled down the sink to open the trap, and smelly water poured right down to his shirt, ruining it completely. He had a mind to be thankful he hadn't been wearing the outerwear he really liked. 

So right now, he was trying to take out the trap that apparently was crooked and stuffed with indescribable things and put back the tubing to no avail. 

"I haven't come here since last week because I've been staying at the dorm." Junmyeon frowned. 

Sehun peered at him from under the sink. "I haven't been home for three days either," 

"Did you give your house password to anyone else?"

"What are you talking about? No one else knows except for you and my mom." Sehun sighed and went back to focus on his task. 

Junmyeon went to get some kitchen towels and wiped the floor where the smelly water had pooled and then went to find some cleaner before the smell remained. "Then who clogged it? I swear I cleaned it last week before I left the house. Someone must have used the kitchen if it becomes like this." He pointed at the filth. 

"I really don't know, hyung." Sehun said, irritated.

"Maybe you did give the password to someone and you just didn't want to tell me."

Sehun pushed himself away from under the sink, breathing heavily; glaring at Junmyeon's glum face. He peeled off his disgusting shirt and dumped it into the trash can where Junmyeon had been throwing the ruined kitchen towels, and stood there half-naked, putting his hands on his waist. 

"What exactly are you trying to say?" 

Junmyeon bit his lips, looking up at Sehun's face with a hard stare. He looked solemn and kept rubbing the back of his neck. Sehun knew he was anxious. "It doesn't matter," he muttered softly, leaning back heavily on his right foot. 

Sehun's eyes twitched. He took his phone from the kitchen island and handed it to Junmyeon. "Call the building management and tell them about the pipe. I'm gonna take a shower."

For about an hour, Sehun spent the time just calming himself down under the warm water. His rational mind knew that neither of them were at fault anyway since they didn't really spend a lot of time in the house with their busy schedule. And despite Junmyeon's messiness, he always tried to clean up as much as he could when Sehun was too busy. 

He came out of the shower feeling more calm and squeaky clean, though the smell still lingered at the back of his nose. With a towel around his waist, Sehun went back to the kitchen to inspect the damage. 

Junmyeon was still standing there, sweating, sleeves pulled over his arms, a mop in hand. The whole kitchen floor was shining and it smelled like lemon cleaner. 

A man in his early 50s was standing in front of the sink, taking off his work gloves. 

"It's all done now," he said, smiling. "The trap is crooked because of the water pressure from your neighbor upstairs. They had a problem with their piping a few days ago and their trash came down your pipe." The man turned on the water and it flowed smoothly with no leakage or clogging pipe. "There you go, I already told them about your problem, they said they will come down to apologize to you when they're back."

"Thank you so much, _seonsaengnim_." Junmyeon gave him a grateful smile and bowed to him. "We really appreciate it."

"No harm done, boys. I'll get going now." The man nodded to Sehun before picking up his tools, and walked out of the house. 

It was quiet for a whole minute, before someone snorted— and they both doubled over themselves, howling in laughter. Junmyeon was clutching his stomach while Sehun's shoulders shook wildly. 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be mad at you." Junmyeon raised his head, looking apologetic while wiping the corner of his eyes. 

"I'm sorry too for accusing you." Sehun replied, walking towards the elder.

"Hm? You didn't accuse me though?" 

"In my head, I did."

Junmyeon shoved him hard by the chest, and before Sehun could pretend that it hurt, Junmyeon was already rubbing the abused spot apologetically. "Sorry again," 

"Me too," Sehun smiled, pushing back his wet hair and looking around the gleaming kitchen. "You're really good at cleaning when you set your mind on it."

"Isn't it?" Junmeyon looked proud of his achievement. It's adorable. "Only the cleaning part, I still can't organize properly." He pouted, pointing at the way he put back the things under the sink's cupboard. His hand was still over Sehun’s chest, just absently patting.

"It's okay, thank you really." Sehun cradled Junmyeon's face, staring at the sweat-damp hair and flushed cheeks. And then he leaned down next to Junmyeon's ear. "And trust me when I say you're the only one who will ever have the password to this home, so you don't need to be jealous."

Junmyeon's ear turned pinkish. "Okay, okay, I trust you. Good call." He cleared his throat, didn't even deny about being jealous— as Sehun watched fondly how the elder leaned more into his touch, one hand holding on to Sehun's wrist. 

They stared into each other’s eyes for a while— seeking apologies for their loss of temper, but quickly forgave as well. 

Sehun then pressed his lips into a thin line, tilting his head cutely in the way that he knew would make Junmyeon beam. “Really? You trust me?”

Junmyeon let out the breathy laugh and rubbed Sehun's ear, pulling it a little. “Yahh, don’t tease me. I trust you, okay. I trust you.” His eyes turned crescent, and that alone made Sehun a happy man. “I should go take a shower,” Junmyeon muttered, looking down over Sehun’s naked torso and the small cloth wrapped around his waist. Sehun didn’t miss the appreciative glaze in his eyes and how he licked his bottom lips.

Sehun let him go after apologizing for using up all the hot water, but not before subtly pressing his lips on Junmyeon’s hairline before pushing him away towards the bedroom; Junmyeon snickering amusedly and said how he much preferred a cold shower at the moment. Sehun himself grinned at the innuendo.

When Junmyeon disappeared into the room, Sehun looked around the kitchen for something to do and decided to organize the toolbox and the cleaning items in the cupboard, before going to the laundry room to get new pants and a shirt. The distractions didn’t work, so he took his phone that Junmyeon left on the dining table and texted someone, gripping his phone tightly.

_Do you think Junmyeon-hyung is in love with me?_

A chime came in a second later.

_Of course._

Sehun froze. He had known this, of course he had known this. Sehun wouldn't say himself a very observant person, but Junmyeon himself was not a very subtle person. 

Another message came. 

_Isn't it obvious?_

* * *

"That's a wrap," 

Someone counted to three and hit the slate. Immediately the atmosphere became easier. 

Sehun relaxed his stance, hiding his freezing fingers into the depth of his coat pocket. 

Later on, he changed to a more comfortable clothes of oversized hoodie and tracksuit, going out for dinner with the cast. It was the only restaurant around the sleepy town— approximately 300km away from Seoul— that was still open at that hour. They ordered all the hot food they could get for the cold winter night. Sehun got a can of beer in his hand, but they were drinking moderately, as they got another two days of filming and everyone would like to not get a hangover for an early morning call. Sehun was laughing, having a good time and definitely enjoying life. 

He didn't notice the blinking and vibration from his phone on the table until someone called out to him.

"Sehun-ah!" Someone yelled. "Your phone! Answer your texts! Someone misses you!" 

Some people snickered, some peeked up curiously. "Who could that be?" "Is it a girl?" "As expected of a good-looking man."

Sehun laughed at their teasing, waving them off as he picked up his phone. One of the messages that popped up in the notification was indeed a sentence that said "I miss you~" 

Sehun good-heartedly elbowed Jongmin who hung over his shoulders to peer at the screen. 

"Yahh, it's so nice! Hope you treat her well. Good job, boy." He clapped his back a couple of times, looking proud somehow. Jaesuk tried to pull him off, scolding him for his behavior. 

"It's not my girlfriend, I'm not dating anyone, really." Sehun smiled sheepishly as he moved away and settled beside Sejeong, surprisingly the sanest person on the table (aside from Jae Suk but he was busy reprimanding his colleague at the moment). 

But his claim fell into deaf ears, as someone chimed in with some kind of inside joke and the whole crew laughed boisterously. Sehun immediately forgot his argument, and laughed along. 

He peeked at his phone under the table and opened the messages. He scrolled down a couple of them until he saw a picture. 

"Isn't that Suho-shii?" 

Sehun almost jumped from his seat. Sejeong was looking at him sweetly, eyebrows raised expectedly. 

It was a picture of Junmyeon in a white padded jacket, standing at the backyard of their dorm apartment, with snow around him. There was another picture under it, a Junmyeon's selfie scrunching his face in front of the camera with a heart finger, still under the falling snow.

"Yeah, Junmyeon-hyung said it's snowing in Seoul now." He checked the time. It was definitely getting late. Junmyeon was still not asleep? 

"Aww," Sejeong cooed, putting her head over her palm, looking out the window. "If we’re in luck, we might get them soon too. Ahh, he still remembers to send pictures of the snow to his members. How sweet. And still care to say how he missed you and loved you."

Sehun looked down, thumbing the word "i love you" on the screen with a pink neck. "He does that to everyone," he muttered. Which was half a lie. Junmyeon missed people easily, but out of all the members, only Sehun and Junmyeon who still say "I love you" out loud to each other especially when they're apart for some time, or whenever they end a call. Sehun would know because Chanyeol and Baekhyun never stop teasing them about it. 

"And he took the picture for aesthetic purposes." Sehun laughed when he received an Instagram notification from user kimjuncotton. "See? He already posted it on his insta." He showed it to Sejeong, who laughed in amusement as well.

"That's a really good picture. Ask Suho-shii if I can borrow his photographer, will you?" Sejeong teased. 

"It will be very expensive," Sehun teased back, and snickered when Sejeong pouted at him. 

Sehun went back to his phone. Junmyeon had told him about going out to dinner with Yonghun. But the latest message had told him that Junmyeon had Sihwan crashed at the dorm because it was late after they were done writing lyrics. 

Junmyeon was supposed to be done with the production, but he's still writing lyrics with Sihwan-hyung? 

Sehun typed a reply. 

_I miss you_. 

Then another. 

_And I love you too_.

When they wrapped up the dinner and walked back to the guesthouse, snow cascaded down from the sky. The cast and crew stayed outside for a while to watch it fall.

Sehun took a picture of the snow, but kept it to himself. It reminded him that no matter how far apart, they were still under the same sky.

When he returned to Seoul, Junmyeon was waiting for him at his apartment (with intact sink, thank god) with open arms. He was bouncing all over the place, buzzing with excitement as if he couldn't wait to tell him something, but still waited for Sehun to settle and wash up.

But Sehun enjoyed watching him like that— so he teased by taking time with things. He put away his night bag, spending more time in the shower, and even purposely cooked something for them to eat— until Junmyeon snapped and told him to hurry.

It was the album. Junmyeon's solo album. He let Sehun listen to it. 

"It's beautiful," Sehun commented, eyes closed as he held in his breath before letting out a long one. It was so satisfying and gratifying. This. The album. This is Junmyeon's dream coming true. He felt like shouting at the top of a mountain. "Everything is flawless. I really love it."

"You do?" It was the first word Junmyeon uttered after a long silence of just staring at Sehun listening to the album. 

"Yeah, each one is so— different. It's very you," Sehun took out an earbud. "Which one will be the main single?" 

"The last one in the track."

Sehun chuckled. "Ah, the one you used our slogan," He looked back at Junmyeon from across the sofa, smiling. "I know the members will understand once they hear the song." 

Junmyeon nodded. "You're the first person apart from the production team that listened to it. Yeah, I just thought that title is more appropriate and more— subtle," 

Sehun crooked his eyebrow curiously. "Am I really the first person? I'm honored. But nothing is subtle about it, hyung. The title is our group's slogan."

Reaching out for his hand, Junmyeon looked at him with gentle eyes and muttered, "The original title of the track is 'Wind'," 

At first, Sehun didn’t get it. But then he suddenly made the connection. His long fingers curled instinctively over Junmyeon's smaller hand. 

"The original lyric is supposed to be 'my wind' but then I changed it to— 'my love'. And there's another 'my wind' if you notice, but it is changed to 'my wish' with the same pronunciation—"

When Junmyeon got nervous, he paused more in his talk. He would rub the back of his neck, hands searching for something to grab on, like an anchor. 

And usually, the anchor was Sehun.

And now Junmyeon was holding his hand like a death grip. 

Sehun knew this. The way Junmyeon's eyes would flicker as he sought for help in a silent plea; it never failed to remind him that the leader was just a human— and that's why Sehun would always remind Junmyeon to grab onto him, whenever he needed him. 

"And the rest of the song is— a continuation story from there. The forth track is connected with my first single. But— the third track is specially for the fans, so—" he laughed with the same cute breathy laugh and Sehun's heart swell. 

Before Junmyeon could continue ranting, Sehun pulled him into an embrace, placing Junmyeon's head over his heart. The elder let out a shuddering breath; immediately folded himself over Sehun's lap, arms clinging around the slim waist. Sehun cradled him gently, rubbing his back and squished his cheek on top of Junmyeon's head, affectionate and yearning at the same time. 

Sehun had dreamt of this moment; but he always wakes up before they end.

“It’s okay, I understand.”

His lips moved to the back of Junmyeon's neck, pressing lightly; mustering all the love he could give in that simple kiss.

"I know."

And the problem with those kinds of dreams, you never knew whether the end would be a happy one, or a nightmare.

* * *

A few weeks before Junmyeon had to leave was hectic for Sehun. He was busy; his filming schedule was tight since it was postponed earlier that year, and there was the new endorsement and new offers as well as the sub-unit comeback. Not to mention there's an addition to his family in the terms of a furry, brown friend in the name "Monsieur" and Jongdae made fun of him and his liking to French names when he brought the lovable puppy to meet the rest of the members. Chanyeol was jealous of how well-behaved the puppy was, while Baekhyun and Jongin stared at Monsieur adoringly. 

But Sehun didn't let those things get in the way of making time for Junmyeon. 

They didn't speak about that night. 

But he knew was that their feelings are mutual.

Meanwhile, Junmyeon got some free time to spend after his promotional period was over; he spent them visiting his friends and family, going around the city discovering delicious food, and sleeping in— basically just enjoying his off days. He took care of Monsieur when Sehun went to work, and when Sehun came back home; he was always greeted by a yapping puppy and a smiling Junmyeon. 

Sehun wanted to relieve these moments for the rest of his lives. 

He indulged in Junmyeon's craving; going out of the way to come back early to go eat dinner with him at a new discovered restaurant with famous, delicious food, or watching the elder's favorite Netflix shows before going to bed. They talked and talked until they're both exhausted and fell asleep facing each other. 

"You two spend so much time together nowadays, it makes you look like a newlywed," Jongin commented when he met Sehun at the dorm, absent-mindedly scratching his exposed belly with a water bottle in his hand. He just came back from the gym and saw the two cuddling on the couch, before Junmyeon had to use the bathroom. 

Sehun didn't say anything back in response, pondering whether he should make a joke about it or asked Jongin what he truly meant. So far, only Chanyeol and Jongdae were the ones who really know, but if those two from the beagle lines knew, then Baekhyun must have received the news too.

"Sorry, I spoke without thinking. I know this will be hard for you— for all of us—" Jongin started but Sehun just smiled. 

"I'm okay, actually." He said. "It's not like we won't see him anymore."

Jongin stared at him, then nodded. "Yeah, you're right." He looked down to his feet. "It's just that— he hasn't even gone yet but I already miss him so much. Do you feel that way too?"

  
  


Two days before Children's day, Sehun went with Junmyeon to the hairdresser. He held Junmyeon's hand tight as she took the scissor and started snipping Junmyeon's locks. Junmyeon looked calm, just staring and blinking at his reflection as strands of hair fell off. Sehun's own hand was cold and clammy, as he stood there, trying to be brave— for both of them. 

When they came back from the saloon, Chanyeol was there waiting for them with food for lunch, saying he wouldn't miss it for the world, and excitedly ran his large palms over Junmyeon's new head while they both laughed— Junmyeon from being ticklish, while Chanyeol laughed to prevent himself from crying. Sehun would know because he felt like crying himself too. 

Junmyeon accompanied him to his annual visit to the children's home and spent half a day playing and eating with the children. He could feel Junmyeon's eyes on him all the time, soft and gentle from under the lowered cap. 

"You're really good with children." Junmyeon said when they both were on their way to the car. "I can’t wait to see when you have your own children someday."

Sehun's eyes lingered to Junmyeon's profile. He was staring at a distant with a small smile, as if lost in thought. 

"I might don’t have kids of my own," 

That caught Junmyeon off guard, as he puzzled over it. "Hmm? Why not?" 

"I think I would like to adopt."

Junmyeon hummed, getting into the passenger seat as Sehun took the wheel. "That's good too, but you can have one of your own if you want. When you get married, talk with your wife if she wants one."

Sehun clasped his seatbelt, then leaned over to help Junmyeon with his. "Who says I'm getting married?" 

"You don't want to?" Junmyeon smiled, turning to him. "I would love to get married, someday."

"Are you having marriage fever?" Sehun teased. It could happen sometimes, when the people you are close with got married as well. 

Junmyeon ended up laughing while adjusting his cap, self-conscious about his head. It’s weird seeing him like that. "Maybe?" he said. "I can’t say I will never get married though, that's for sure."

"I didn’t say that too," Sehun started driving towards his home at Samseong-dong. "I just thought it's too early for me to think of marriage, given the circumstances."

"Circumstances?" 

Sehun nodded, but didn't elaborate. He kept driving but knew Junmyeon was asking for an answer from the way he spotted the big eyes kept glancing at his direction from his peripheral vision. 

As expected, Junmyeon didn't push him. He relaxed into the seat when the car pulled into the highway, looking out the window.

"... I think I understand." Junmyeon muttered. "You know you don't have to keep waiting. You are free to move on and choose your own happiness. And— you have my full support."

Sehun let him ramble on and held his tongue. How dare Junmyeon said that. Those cruel statements; does Junmyeon think so low of himself? As if he's replaceable, as if he's not important. Sehun wanted to hit him. 

Sehun understood. Their terms of a happy ending— was a high ladder to climb. 

(and might be impossible) 

But Junmyeon should have known, after all these time, how much he owned Sehun's heart.

"What about you, how many children do you want to have with your 'future wife'?" 

Sehun waited for an answer, but was greeted by silence. No answer, agreement, nor denial. 

"—I suddenly miss LA." Junmyeon muttered.

Sehun tightened his grip on the steering at the change of subject.

"We found our freedom there, even if it's just for a moment."

Freedom.

The sort of freedom where you can live the way you want to live, and love the people you want to love. The sort of freedom where you could imagine how it feels to get what your heart yearns for. The sort of freedom where they could hold hands in the street, enjoying the sun. The sort of freedom where they go to sleep late, and wake up early because they couldn’t get enough of each other. The sort of freedom where they dance in their underwear in the kitchen, laughing at their failed cooking. The sort of freedom where Sehun could pretend that the waiting was over and the heart he saved for Junmyeon for over ten years wasn't just a figment of his youth. 

And that heart— he would willingly continue to save for ten, twenty, fifty more years. 

Because it’s the sort of freedom that they might never have again.

"Me too." Sehun said. 

If the wait is enjoyable, then it's love. But what if the wait is forever? Is it love as well? Or just plain heartbreak?

The car continued to move towards the bridge, crossing Hangang, as the sun set to colored the evening sky with its gold and red, and streaks of blue peaked between the clouds. 

It's blue paradise in a rose-colored world. 

Just like how their worlds turned from grey to colors, when they first met each other in that training studio, over ten years ago. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


End. 

…

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* * * * *  
  


Epilogue. 

  
  


The traffic of Seoul was busy and halting as Junmyeon stood at the edge of the rail, looking down to the bustling city from a high-rise rooftop and letting the wind push his hair back. Dressed in a soft pastel sweater with white shirt tucked into fitted jeans, he tapped his shoes restlessly against the floor, smiling as he listened to the soothing music from the boom box. 

Sehun who was sitting at the table under the shade of a big umbrella, kept a close eye on him as he poured two glasses of red wine for them. 

“We should go to Hawaii,”

Sehun stopped pouring and set the bottle on the cart next to their table. 

“Hmm?”

Junmyeon turned around, hopped off the step and walked to him. “Hawaii, we should go to Hawaii. Now you're back for good, it's time for a vacation.”

“Sure,” Sehun handed a glass to him. “I’ll book the tickets tomorrow.”

Junmyeon laughed merrily, settling down into a chair and tapped his finger restlessly on the armrest. "Not this weekend though, you remember Yixing is coming, right?"

"My memory isn't as bad as you thought it is, hyung," Sehun teased back, as they both took a sip of the wine. "Of course I remember, it's our first reunion celebration as a whole group since Jongin and I finished our mandatory services." He hummed over the glass. "I haven't seen Yixing-hyung for so long." He had seen the rest of the members last night when they went to dinner together. 

Junmyeon nodded, setting the glass on the table. "Since he came by to see you both off. That's like, two years ago?" 

The meals were already prepared and served while they relished in the drink. Sehun watched as Junmyeon eyed the food on the table in awe as they started eating. Sehun told him everything about his ceremony, and Junmyeon listened well while asking things here and there. 

The meal ended, the sky darkened to reddish purple and stars started showing up. Junmyeon leaned back in his seat, head looking up at the clouds. 

Sehun moved to look at Junmyeon. He's keeping his hair long and Sehun wanted to run his fingers through the strands. He looked good and handsome as always, not a thing has changed about him. And from the way Junmyeon ran his eyes over Sehun during dinner, he knew Junmyeon appreciated the muscles and tan he gained during his time in the service. 

"Are you sure you want to go to Hawaii, instead of LA?" 

"You missed LA, don't you?" 

"Because I know you missed it too," 

Junmyeon hummed in agreement, his head dropped to look at Sehun. "You're right. I do miss it. Being there without you feels like something was missing."

Sehun quickly agreed, as Junmyeon threw his head back laughing, and kicked him gently on the shin under the table. 

"Then let's just go to LA."

Junmyeon chuckled, his hand slid up behind his neck, rubbing it consciously. "It's just that I'm afraid I might do something stupid if we go to LA."

"Something stupid like what?" 

He shrugged. 

"I will change your mind. I promise."

That was a month ago. They both got busier with offers upon offers, but Sehun surprised Junmyeon with two one-way tickets to LA and begged him to get a week off. Once they arrived at LAX, Sehun had a car ready for them. After half an hour of going through LA traffic, they arrived at Laurel Canyon, in front of a white, single storey-house. The innocent Junmyeon gazed at the house curiously as Sehun pulled over at the driveway. He followed Sehun out of the car and walked up to the steps, waiting for him to rummage through the mailbox to get a key, and unlocked the door.

It was a four-bedrooms, four bathrooms house with an open floor concept, complete with a guest living room, family room and an open kitchen with white cabinets. The living room had wide windows and slide doors that open up to a swimming pool and a view of the mountain and the city. 

"This is our accomodation? It's really big for two people." Junmyeon said, running his hand over the head of the sofa. His eyes shone brightly, liking what he saw. Sehun went to open the sliding doors. 

"You don't like it?" 

Junmyeon chuckled at him. "Are you kidding me? I love it. It's so homey and hey, look at the view." He went to stand next to Sehun to admire the landscape, taking out his phone to take a picture. "Imagine seeing this sight at night. It will be beautiful. I think I can get used to this."

"Well, you should. Not all the time though, since we do have to go back to Seoul at some point, but this is our house now so you should get used to it."

Junmyeon's smile flattered, then he turned slowly and his wide eyes bored into Sehun’s flushed face. "What do you mean?" 

Sehun coughed into his fist. "I bought this house."

Sehun turned to see Junmyeon gaped at him. "You what?" 

"I bought this house," Sehun repeated. "Two week ago. Remember how we used to say 'let's live in LA one day'? Well, that day is today." He took Junmyeon's hand. Nervous. Anxious. But those days of being scared of the unknown future had long gone. They've matured and survived. After all those years, they still yearned for each other. Isn't that enough? "This house is under your name too. You just have to sign the papers and it's done."

Junmyeon stared at him. "... Why?" 

"Because I only make promises if I could fulfill them." 

Shaking his head, Junmyeon reached up and rubbed Sehun's ear. How he missed that affectionate gesture. "You— I always know you're manly, but this— your 'future wife' will feel weird about you having my name as the co-owner of your house, you know."

"Who said I will have a wife?" Sehun frowned. As if Junmyeon didn’t know where his preference lied. "What if I want a husband?" 

It was the first time he ever confessed it out loud. There was a glint in Junmyeon's eyes that Sehun recognized. It was the glint when he thought nothing else in the world mattered, except for the two of them. Sehun knew because he felt the same way too. 

"What if I want _you_ as my husband?" 

Sehun tried. Twice. Long ago. When he used to think his feelings were unrequited. He tried to let go of his first love and sought for comfort in someone else. But it's pointless. He never wavered. He couldn't let go. And the fact that it ended up reciprocated— 

Sehun loved Junmyeon. Always had, always will be. And he knew Junmyeon was in love with him as well. 

Junmyeon sighed, leaning forward to hide his face on Sehun's chest. "Remember when I said that I might do something stupid if we come to LA?" 

Sehun nodded. 

"Well, that stupid thing might involve something like proposing to you and elope."

Sehun nodded again. He slowly wrapped his arms around Junmyeon's shoulders, trying to hold back a grin that was threatening to come out. "I see. You don't want a stylish wedding?" 

Junmyeon whined, sneaking his arms around Sehun's waist. "It's too tiring to plan a wedding. Let's just sign the papers, exchange rings, tell our friends and families, and eat jajangmyeon to celebrate."

"I agree." Sehun said, running his fingers through Junmyeon's hair. It's a perfect plan. Nothing else sounds more perfect than this. "But I know you will want new, pretty clothes and pretty pictures. Let's go shop for clothes, hire a professional photographer and buy the rings tomorrow."

"You know me so well," Junmyeon chuckled. "But why tomorrow?" He looked up at Sehun, frowning a little. Sehun settled to cup his cheeks, admiring the face he had loved so much.

"Because I can't wait to start our honeymoon immediately."

Junmyeon yelped when Sehun pulled him over from the patio and threw him on the sofa. High on euphoria, they laughed together when Sehun climbed over him, and Junmyeon pulled him close eagerly; and not a moment wasted when their lips finally met and they're kissing as if their lives depended on it, and finally, finally—

Finally, _finally_. 

Their happy ending is not impossible anymore. 

  
  
  
  


. 

.. 

... 

The end. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I appreciate all your lovely kudos, bookmarks and I also read all your beautiful comments from my previous fics. I love reading all of them and I just want to repay you all with this small ficlet. 
> 
> This fic is dedicated to all of you. Especially you, M.


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